Alexa what's there to know about love??

 

  

RUBY

I wonder if humans are the only living creatures that ever feel hollow inside I don't understand how my body can be full of everything bodies are full of-bones and muscles and blood and organs yet my chest sometimes feels vacant.

I have a great boyfriend I've been dating for almost 3yrs now. If I don't count Clyde's moments of intense teenage immaturity (Mostly fueled by alcohol) he's everything i want in a boyfriend funny, attractive,loves he's mother,has goals i don't see how he could be the cause of this feeling.

And there's Italy my little sister my best friend but i know she's not the source of emptiness.She's the primary source of my happiness, even though we're complete opposites she's outgoing, spontaneous and loud and has a laugh I'd kill for it's a running joke between us that we are so different. My mother could be the source of my recent mood,but that would make sense. Her absence isn't everything new in fact I'm more used to it now than i used to be, I've become more accepting of the fact that Italy and i got the short end stick in the parent development.

Nothing has changed in my life recently to explain this profound emptiness I've been feeling or maybe it has and I'm just too afraid to notice it.

Guess what?? Italy says she's in the front of the passenger's seat. Luka is driving and Clyde and i are in the back seat. I've been staring out the window,so i pause my thoughts and i look at her. she's turned around on her seat,her eyes moving excitedly between me and Clyde she looks really she looks pretty tonight she borrowed me my maxi dresses and kept it simple with very little makeup it's amazing what a difference there is between sixteen year old Italy and eighteen year old Italy.

Italy is eighteen and partakes in whatever she can get her hands on at every we got to. That's the reason why chose not to partake because I've always felt a sense of responsibility for her since I'm older and our mother doesn't regulate our activities in any way.

Sometimes I feel like I'm Clyde's babysitter too.The only one in this car that i don't get to babysit is Luka but that's not because he doesn't get drunk or high he just seems to maintain a level of maturity despite whatever substances might be running through his system he has one of the most consistent personalities I've ever encountered. He's quiet when drunk quiet when high and somehow quiet when he's mad. He's been clyde bestfriend since childhood they're like the male version of me and Italy but opposite. Clyde and Italy are the life of the party Luka and i are invincible sidekicks.

  

    

Fine by me I'd rather blend in with wallpaper and quietly enjoy people watching the one standing on table in the centre of a room being the one people are watching. Clyde grabs my hand to get my attention when i look at him he kisses me you look pretty tonight he whispers I smile at him Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself". Luka glances at me in the rearview mirror he holds my stare for a moment and then nods he nods too without even speaking we both agreed we'll stay sober tonight.With that my level of sobriety is no longer clyde's concern so i take that as an opportunity to escape from him the noise, these people.

I walk out the blash for fresh air there's an empty chair next to the pool,and even there's a couple in the water I'm almost certain are doing things that i  should deemed unsanitary in a swimming pool, it's somehow less of a nuisance than being inside that house.I position my chair so that i can't see them i don't even want to my eyes and see who it is i can't take Clyde and all this drunkenness right now i can't even take Italy and her combination of wine coolers and being eighteen.

You okay??

I sigh from relief when I hear Luka's voice i tilt my head and open my eyes smiling at him yeah I'm fine. I can see in his expression that he doesn't believe me but whatever.There is no way I'm telling Luka I'm late for my period because( a) it's none of his business (b)I don't even know if I'm pregnant and (c)Clyde is the first person I'll tell Iam.

Luka laughs how did we both end up with people who are our opposites??You know what they say opposites attract.Luka shrugs i find it odd that he shrugs at that.He stares at me for a moment then looks away I pull my eyes from his and look down at my drink I do this because I'm afraid of what's happening right now.

Sometimes when we're alone with Luka he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away it's a feeling I've never gotten when Clyde looks at me.This realization scares me to death.

I cover my face with my hands.Out of all the people in the world to want to be around it's a shitty realization to Luka Martins is starting to top that list it's like my chest has been on constant search for its missing piece and Luka is holding it in his fist. I stand up I need to get away from him I'm in love with clyde so it makes me uncomfortable and itchy when I'm alone with his best friend and having these feelings or maybe it's soda making me feel this way or the fear that i might be pregnant.

I've been standing for all ten seconds out of nowhere Clyde appears his arms tightened around me right before he propells us both into the pool I'm both pissed and relieved because i needed to get away from Luka but now I'm sinking into the deep end of a pool that I had no intentions of getting into fully clothed I surface at the same time Clyde does but before I yell at him he pulls me to him and kisses me I kiss him back because it's a much needed distraction.

Where's Italy??Luka asks

Clyde and i both look up and Luka glaring at clyde" I don't know"Clyde says,,,, Luka rolls his eyes she's drunk so am I Clyde says "Never ask a drunk person to babysit a drunk person...............